Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
