STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
