So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my being single is dangerous.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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