Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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