I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
