he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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