Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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