I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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