I hate all girls vehemently.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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