I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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