woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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