The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
