apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
