I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
