The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
