she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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