don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
