Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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