Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
