Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It was confusing and full of hummus
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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