More tranny stories later!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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