I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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