if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
