How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
