i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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