It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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