so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
