So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
