Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
