So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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