i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
