Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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