My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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