I smell stomach acid.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
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You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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