Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
