I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
