wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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