i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
