I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
