thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
