This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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