How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
