This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm bleeding and have questions
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
