whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
