i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!