just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
