I wish life had little blips of pornography
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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