he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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