So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
