I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
