lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
