It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
