i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
