The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
