all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
