In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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