You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As shirtless as possible
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
