This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
