Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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