Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
