"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize