took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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