i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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