I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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