i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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