the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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