are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
