This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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