jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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