I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
