Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
