weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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