OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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