I think i peed on brittanys purse
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
